


'cause since i've come on home, well, my body's been a mess

by theredvipers



Category: Ocean's Eleven Trilogy (Movies)
Genre: M/M, danny ocean antics(TM), or: my version of what danny did, spoilers for ocean's 8 if you haven't seen that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 06:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17401658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theredvipers/pseuds/theredvipers
Summary: Rusty answers quickly enough, and before Linus can even say anything, he asks: “Is Danny with you?”“Uh–that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” Linus makes a face at Danny, who seems to be very amused by the whole thing, his chin resting on his hand while he watches Linus. “Danny–he was in town–”“He told me.” Rusty says, but he doesn’t sound worried.





	'cause since i've come on home, well, my body's been a mess

**Author's Note:**

> i have to repeat this: spoilers for ocean's 8 if you haven't seen that
> 
> this all happened because of that one b99 quote where gina makes jake call her grandma (i think?) and asks if she's crying and when jake says "a little", gina takes the phone and says "you should be wailing, you stone-cold bitch!" i didn't use the quote after all but that is definitely something danny would try to do, knowing very well that rusty wouldn't buy it. 
> 
> so, yeah!
> 
>  
> 
> also i honestly believe danny faked his own death for whatever reason but g-d knows i've been proven to be wrong before so hopefully i'm not jinxing myself

Linus’ life has been quieter ever since the Bank job. Less moving around for jobs, less Danny-and-Rusty, which translates into less risk, more peace and quiet. It’s a nice thing, because as much as he likes working with those two, they really are out of their minds, sometimes. He still doesn’t know how Danny managed to convince him of robbing three of Terry Benedict’s casinos, but, hey, Danny wouldn’t be Danny if he didn’t pull things like that, Linus guesses.

Which is why he is only mildly surprised when, one evening, he walks into his home, and finds Danny sitting in the couch, nursing a glass of what is most likely whiskey, and bleeding.

“Holy shit!” Linus screams, and he barely keeps himself from jumping once he realizes who the intruder is.

“Hey, kid.” Danny says, raises his glass in that confident way of his that always rubs people wrong, like he knows something you don’t. “I was around the neighborhood, figured I’d say hi.”

“You’re bleeding--” and before he can help himself. “And don’t call me kid anymore. Ass.”

Danny chuckles. “So, here’s what happened: someone really hates me, and they sent someone after me, but they were persuaded to pass me off as dead.”

“Danny--” Linus sighs. It sounds just like Danny, that he’d also escape death. He’s sure that if Danny somehow met his demise, he’d find a way back into the land of the living. “You’re still bleeding.”

“I was _lightly_ stabbed.” Linus decides to not argue that there is no such thing as ‘lightly stabbing’ someone. “So I need you to drive me to the hospital.”

He could fight and argue that it’s been months since Danny contacted him, that he has no right to just break into someone’s house, but he has to admit that, despite it all, he’s still fond of Danny. The guy knows how to worm himself into someone’s heart, he’ll give him that. “You’re insane.” he tells Danny, hoping it’ll down on him how not right this whole situation is.

But Danny is Danny, so he just shrugs. “Hospital now. Yelling at me later.”

It’s after they’re out of the hospital, that it downs on Linus just how out of his damn mind Danny Ocean is. “Good thing I’m believed dead,” he says, casually, trying to not wince when he plops down on Linus’ couch again. “I’ve been wanting an excuse to retire.”

That’s right, because, to the world, Danny Ocean is dead, Linus supposes. No way whoever sent that hitman after Danny isn’t going to brag about the fact they killed _the_ Daniel Ocean. “Don’t you have a family, Danny? What about Rusty? The other guys?” he doesn’t mention Tess, knows that they’re done and over with, and Danny is already in pain. He doesn’t need reminding of his ex wife.

“That’s where you come in, kid.” Danny says. “I came here because it was close by, but I need you to make some phone calls. If you explain the situation to Reuben, he’ll help me out with the documents.”

This whole thing seems to make sense in Danny’s head, somehow, and Linus is speechless. “I’m not gonna do that, Danny! That’s insane! You’re--there’s people that care about whether you’re dead! Are you really gonna let them believe it?”

“Reuben is gonna know I’m not. And so is Debbie,” before Linus can ask, Danny answers, “My sister. Long story. Actually, Debbie might believe it, but not for long. Last I heard, she was in prison, doing 5.”

And Linus knows that once Danny has his mind set on something, he’s not going to back down unless it really is in the best of his interests. “What about--what about Rusty?”

“What about him?” Danny asks, feigning ignorance.

“Oh, come on, I’m not stupid,” Linus says. “You look at him like he hung the moon and stars, and he looks at you the same way. Are you really gonna let Rusty believe you’re dead? He’d be heartbroken, man.”

Danny doesn’t deny any of it, but he hums thoughtfully, “Well, given how he knows me, I don’t think he’ll buy it. We could try.”

“Oh, no, no. This is _insane_ ,” Linus protests, but then Danny gets this look on his face, like someone kicked his favorite puppy, and Linus knows he’s gonna end up caving in.

“I was thinking of retiring, you know? Rusty and I want to visit Europe. Last time we were there wasn’t really that pretty, remember? Just a nice, quiet life once the world thinks I’m dead.”

And he looks like he means it, too. Goddammit.

Luckily, and contrary to popular belief, Linus still has some common sense about him, unlike Danny–who has, by all means, absolutely lost his mind. “No, nope. Not happening. You are _not_ conning me into helping you fake your death.”

Danny’s face quickly changes, testament to his ability–and at this point, Linus would call it a goddamn gift–of how good he is at bullshitting. “I have to say I’m impressed, Linus. Dammit.” Danny sighs. “But I wasn’t lying about retiring for good.”

Linus eyes him suspiciously, still not sure if he should buy what Danny is selling. He _does_ sound sincere, brief attempt at emotional manipulation aside. “You’ll owe me a big one.”

“Now we’re talking!” Danny says. Linus still finds it weird that he’s completely okay with this whole death-faking deal, but who knows how Danny’s mind works. Rusty probably would know, but then, Rusty is probably as out of his mind as Danny is.

*

Danny ends up crashing on Linus’ couch for a couple of days while he recovers from his stab wound and calls Reuben to help him out. “Rusty doesn’t know–no, Reuben, don’t call him, for Christ’s sake. I’ll tell him myself, no need to get him to worry over a small thing like this.”

Linus has given up on trying to explain to Danny how a stab wound is not a ‘small thing’, but Danny thinks that faking his death is a good idea, so there’s no point to try and get him to see reason _now_.

But the cherry on top is when Danny finally hangs up, and then he hands Linus the phone. “I need you to call Rusty.”

“You can call him yourself.” Linus says. “I’m not the one dating him.”

Danny doesn’t deny it, but it’s not like Linus didn’t know. “You don’t understand. Listen, you’re gonna tell him I’m dead and really try and get him to buy it.”

“Danny–” not only is Danny really out of his mind, but there is no way Rusty is gonna believe Linus. Even if he’s gotten better at deceiving people, there’s just no lying to Rusty, and Rusty also knows Danny better than anybody else, so he’s probably going to know Danny isn’t really dead anyways.

Danny presses the phone into his hands. “Come on, just try. I want you to tell me what he says.”

Linus knows Danny is not going to stop bothering him about this until he does it, so he starts dialing. “You’re insane, man. If Rusty gets mad I’m blaming you only.”

Danny waves his hand in a dismissive gesture, seemingly not worried about Rusty’s reaction. Knowing them, Danny has probably never been at the other end of Rusty’s anger, but Linus has, and it’s not pretty, so if anyone’s getting yelled at, it’s Danny.

Rusty answers quickly enough, and before Linus can even say anything, he asks: “Is Danny with you?”

“Uh–that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” Linus makes a face at Danny, who seems to be very amused by the whole thing, his chin resting on his hand while he watches Linus. “Danny–he was in town–”

“He told me.” Rusty says, but he doesn’t sound worried.

“And.. I don’t know how to say this, but Reuben called and,” Linus sighs, and he’s preparing himself for Rusty finding out the truth and then he’s gonna be really, really mad. “Danny is–Danny is dead.”

Rusty pauses for a second. “He put you up to this, huh?”

“Rusty, I’m not–”

“What did he say? Is he crying?” Danny whispers as softly as he can.

Linus shakes his head, and Rusty continues. “I can’t believe you’d let him put you up to this, Linus. You’re a grown ass man, you should let Danny try and con me himself. Is he there? I know he’s there. Put him on–”

“Hey, how come you’re mad at me and not at him?” Linus asks. “He insisted, alright.”

“Oh, so you blew it.” Danny deadpans, and then he stretches out his hand so Linus can give him the phone. Rusty’s still chewing Linus out when Danny puts the phone to his ear. “Yes, dear?” he says, his tone mockingly sweet. Rusty is probably not buying it.

Linus can still hear Rusty’s voice through the phone, but he can barely make out words. He hears ‘honestly’ and ‘Daniel’, which means Rusty must be mad as hell.

“I told you it wouldn’t work.” Linus says. Danny puts a finger to his own lips and shushes him.

“Well, the least I expected was some tears for dear ol’ me.” Danny says, and Linus can barely make out what Rusty just yelled, but he did hear the word ‘asshole’. “Yeah, I’m at Linus’. No, Debbie doesn’t—I mean, why would I—alright. See you later. Love you too, and I’m sorry!”

Linus is not surprised at the confirmation of his suspicion about Danny and Rusty being together, but he’s surprised that after all these years, they still finish each other’s sentences. “You guys still do that whole creepy bit, huh?”

“You know, Linus, most people would find that _romantic_ , not creepy.” Danny replies. “Also, Rusty is on his way here, and he’s pissed at both of us.”

“That’s not fair!” Linus protests. “It was _your_ idea to make me call him.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Danny says dismissively. “You can try and out-shout him when he’s here.”

“If anyone’s getting shouted at, that’s you.”

Danny snorts. He’s probably getting shit from Rusty, but deep down he knows Rusty’s not really going to be mad at him.

Linus, on the other hand, knows that Rusty is going to probably give him shit about this for the rest of his life.

“You’re an asshole, Danny.” Linus says, and Danny laughs, and then they’re both laughing because this is _mad_ , but hey, that’s what you get when you know Danny Ocean.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
